just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
