First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
