apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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