I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
