Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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