Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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