Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
