I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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