I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
