i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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