i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
