worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
