I'm drive I can fine osifer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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