if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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