conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
