You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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