I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
