you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
