Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
