explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
