I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
