I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
