Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
