I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
