Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
