Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
