So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
