Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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