Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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