Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
