There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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