That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
