Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
