I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
