I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
