I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
