whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
