I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
