Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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