i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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