i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
