I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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