I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
