do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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