operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
