tell your sister to shave her snatch
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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