I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
