Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
