just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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