DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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