what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
