I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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