i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
