you guys were way drunker than both of me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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