i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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